#it makes me wanna return to mspaint...
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the joke is that i did not sleep at all
#just a small vent#drawn from bed in mspaint#a comic specifically about a return of some severe gender dysphoria i thought i was long past#and the feelings of being trapped with no way to safely transition in any regard#between Shit Health and Shit Country#i don't even rly feel safe being out online tbh even this feels like a Hazard because of past traumas but w/e#i wish i were brave enough to just say fuck it but my body is doing so poorly these days i just cannot take the chance of#introducing a drastic hormonal change on top of it all#which can also come with its own health risks#i wish i had the money to just surgically transition because at least that's discreet and not something anyone would even know about#but i worry i would never heal from it because my body heals so fucking slowly with all the health shit#i don't need to be legally recognized within the binary and i don't care about what marker is on my ids and such i just wish i could feel#okay existing in my body and have my body not be immediately shoved into a box#also my voice makes me wanna kms but nothing to be done for that :')#partially because my throat's fucked up and damaged from medical mistreatment but also other reasons#these are feelings i haven't dealt with since like high school#it'll pass but oughgh i'd be lying if i said i'm not sitting here actively regretting my Birth and Existence harder than usual#i envy people who are able to transition so hard i could frow up#and i don't really like the feelings of envy i'm not really used to it and it feels Nasty
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